Bonus #2!! “Next Time Won’t You Sing With Me?”

“Won’t you sing with me?” The catchy ending to a favorite song or an invitation to more? Music is a universal language that we begin sharing with our children from a very young age. We sing lullabies to babies, dance with preschoolers, listen to music in classrooms, and swap playlist recommendations with teens. Shared musical experiences provide a foundation for building relationships, as well as for physical and cognitive growth. Indeed, making and listening to music is one of the most basic human functions. Music allows us to feel nearly all emotions that we experience in our lives. What an incredible thing to share with the kids in our homes and classrooms. 

“If children are not introduced to music at an early age, I believe something fundamental is actually being taken from them” - Luciano Pavarotti. According to an article on brighthorizons.com (link below), “Music ignites all areas of child development and skills for school readiness, including intellectual, social-emotional, motor, language, and overall literacy. It helps the body and the mind work together. Exposing children to music during early development helps them learn the sounds and meanings of words.”  Music also has benefits that go beyond brain development, such as mood-boosting, reducing stress, stimulating memories, and easing pain, according to NorthShore.org (link below). 

Thankfully, it’s not our actual singing voice that matters when we look at ways to bring musical experiences into our homes and classrooms. Whether listening to a current pop song on the radio, introducing our kids to a “classic” CD, taking a break with a dance party, encouraging them to try an instrument, or singing songs together, music benefits us all. 

BrightHorizons

NorthShore.org

Bonus! “Now I Know My ABCs”

Learning the alphabet (letter recognition) is a skill that happens naturally for most kids between the ages of 2 and 6. While learning the alphabet is often seen as an indicator of later success in other reading skills, research does not support that. What research does support is the importance of sharing reading experiences with our kids and helping them to develop a positive association with books and stories. From looking at board books with babies to acting out stories either read or made up with preschoolers to listening to books on Audible on a road trip with teenagers, there are countless ways to weave reading experiences into our children’s lives. 

An article on Parents.com (link below) lists 18 ways to share reading experiences with kids of all ages, including reading aloud, modeling reading for pleasure, and even cooking. The article also mentions the importance of keeping reading fun at home and in early childhood settings. Teachers in elementary settings and beyond need to instruct on the mechanics of reading and comprehension skills, but even in these classrooms, it is important to maintain the joy that reading and story-telling can bring. “Books should make you laugh and smile, transport you to faraway lands, and transform you into dragon-slaying sleuths, making you feel all the feels along the way” (same article). 

Not all of us would list scuba diving, cooking, or watching baseball as our favorite hobby, and it’s ok if we - or our kids - don’t rank reading in our top three leisure time activities. However, as loving parents and teachers, when we intentionally share enjoyable reading experiences of all kinds with our kids, we can help lay a strong foundation for them as they grow and develop in confidence and skill. 

Parents.com

Z - Love Does Zeal

The Oxford dictionary defines zeal as “great energy or enthusiasm in pursuit of a cause or an objective.” Whether at home or in the classroom, one of our greatest objectives is for our children to know without a doubt that they are loved. The Oxford dictionary also lists synonyms for zeal as enthusiasm, eagerness, gusto, and energy. When we love our children zealously, we love them with enthusiasm, eagerness, gusto, and energy. This comes naturally for some, but it feels uncomfortable for others. And either way, sometimes we find ourselves in the situation of not loving our kids' actions and choices. Nevertheless, when we make an effort to love with zeal, our children will reap the many benefits of knowing they are deeply loved.

Let us be the people in our kids’ lives who don’t hold back, the place they turn to know they are loved unconditionally. Let us be the ones who love them without reservation. We'll be the ones that cheer for them, compliment them, inspire them, and encourage them when they are on the right path. Let us be the people who love them “loudly, enthusiastically, and boldly because love is not supposed to be kept hidden” (Love Enthusiastically).

Y - Love Does Yes

“Don’t jump on the couch.”

“Stop running!”

“No more talking.”

These are common phrases we might find ourselves saying to our kids. Given the specific situation, they might well be reasonable requests that help maintain order and safety in our homes and classrooms. Our kids, though hear only No, No, No. 

“You can’t go outside; it’s too cold.”

“No, I can’t join you. I have work to do.”

“We aren’t doing that activity; it’s too messy.”

Sometimes it is cold. There is always work to do. Certain activities can be messy. These are all valid reasons to consider denying a request. But still, our kids spend all day hearing No, No, No. 

What if, instead, we made an effort to say Yes?

• Yes, you can jump, on the trampoline.
• Yes, you can run, when we go outside.
• Yes, you can talk, as soon as your work is done.
• Yes, we can go outside. Let’s get our coats and gloves on.
• Yes, I would love to play. I need 20 minutes to work first
• Yes, we can do that activity. It’s messy, so let’s get a drop cloth. 

There will absolutely be times when we can not say yes to our children. Some situations or requests involve their safety, our integrity, or other values that cannot be compromised. This makes it all the more important to say Yes when we can. It may require additional effort or little creative thinking, but by saying Yes whenever we can, we establish a foundation of positive communication and a good relationship to build on. That way, when we need to say no, our children are far more likely to listen. 

X - Love Does eXample

“Your children will follow your example, not your advice.” This anonymous quote puts into words what most parents and teachers instinctively know to be true. All we need to do is think back to when we were kids. With some exceptions, the adults from our childhoods are typically remembered not for the words or wisdom they shared or instructions they gave but instead for how they presented themselves, how they treated us, and how they acted toward others. 

Once we recognize the importance and long-lasting impact of the example we set in our homes and classrooms, we focus on being the best example we can. An article on GoodMenProject.com (link below) gives several concrete suggestions.

• explaining the thought process behind our decisions
• admitting our mistakes 
• practicing good stress management

While this list is not inclusive, it gives us a good place to start! As loving parents and teachers, we want the best for our kids. That’s why we owe it to them to live by our best example. No one will ever be perfect, but by paying attention to the example we are setting, we can do right by our children and ourselves at the same time. 

GoodMenProject.com

W - Love Does Work

When we first hold our newborn child or walk into a class of new students on the first day of school, we often have a shiny happy feeling of love. But it doesn’t take long for sleepless nights with an infant or nonstop chatter in the classroom to dull the shine of that love-feeling. That’s when real love shows up. When the newness wears off, and emotion fades, we must choose to work at love.

Love feels good, but real love is more than just a feeling. Real love is a choice. Real love is action. In today’s world, it seems we want maximum results with minimal effort. But that's not real love. Love in any relationship takes work to communicate and understand each other. It takes work to intentionally set aside time to be together and to set aside our preferences in favor of what is best for the other person. In our roles as loving parents and teachers, it also takes effort to provide boundaries, enforce discipline, and teach accountability. 

Loving our children will not always be easy, but love is always a choice we can make. It is always an action we can take, and our children will always be worth it. 

V - Love Does Venturous Play

Venturous play - more commonly known as Risky play - includes factors such as speed, height, and tools. We have removed much of what constitutes risky play in our attempts to keep our homes and schools safe for our children. Unfortunately, this means we have removed the opportunity for our kids to develop self-confidence, resilience, executive functioning abilities, and even risk management skills. Of course, there is a balance to be had as, according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, our children need to feel safe. An article on cbc.ca (link below) advises parents and teachers to focus on “as safe as necessary” over “as safe as possible.” The same article gives other suggestions for embracing risky play, such as 

- provide guidance

- watch out for our own fears

- wait and see

- provide time, freedom, and space.  

Allowing risky play requires courage on our part. It feels risky to us to allow our kids to play in ways that combine the joy of freedom with just the right amount of fear to produce an exhilarating thrill. Prioritizing our kids' needs over our own fears and worries is truly an act of love. 

CBC.ca - Risky Play

U - Love Does Unconditional

“I really don’t like you right now! I still love you, but I don’t like you.” I overheard my 4 year old say this to one of his siblings a few weeks ago. It made me chuckle, but I also realized it was a simple but good explanation of unconditional love. 

Unconditional love is quite literally love without conditions. It’s love that has no strings attached. It’s loving our children despite their flaws and regardless of how they perform or what they achieve. However, unconditional love does not mean always giving our children what they want or accepting what they do.  Instead, it is a mature type of love that means treating them with care and respect, even while setting boundaries and maintaining limits.

Research cited in a post on foundationforlearning.com (link below) shows many ways that unconditional love benefits our children, including their mental and physical health, brain development, and sense of security. But unconditional love does not always come naturally or easily, even to us as parents and teachers. An article on goalcast.com (link below) gives three actions we can take to ensure the kids in our homes and classrooms feel loved unconditionally. 

1. Love them even when they show their flaws
2. Offer unlimited support
3. Work to understand their perspective 

As loving parents and teachers, we would do well to heed Mother Teresa’s instructions. Our children are often “unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway.”

Foundation For Learning

Goal Cast

T - Love Does Trust

Many of us innately understand the importance of trust in relationships, particularly in the relationships we have with a spouse or a good friend. According to an article in Forbes (link below), trust is the aspect of all relationships that allows “people to live and work together, feel safe, and belong to a group.” Trust is crucial not only to relationships with our adult peers but also to our relationships with our children. When we evaluate the idea of trust through the lens of a parent or educator, many of us recognize the need for our children to trust us. Ideally, children trust the adults in their lives to provide for their physiological needs and their safety, as well as trusting them to be kind, fair, and loving. Sometimes, perhaps through no fault of ours, this trust between children and adults is broken. The most important step we can take to build a relationship with our kids is to be intentional in our efforts to gain and keep their trust.

Trust is a two-way street. As parents and educators, not only do we need to be trustworthy, but we also need to be willing to trust our children. The idea of trusting our children can be challenging to accept. After all, we’ve been through childhood already and only want what is best for them! But if we are not careful, our good intentions can stand in the way of who our children are meant to be. Trusting our kids also demands our vulnerability and our courage. 

An article on bonnieharris.com (link below) points out that our kids will “resist with all their might when they think we are against them—when we criticize, blame, threaten, lecture.”  Instead, our children need our guidance and leadership. They need us to make the big decisions they should not be expected to make, to be willing to set and reinforce firm and fair boundaries, and to be intentional about getting to know them as a unique individual. Our kids need us to help them make amends and learn how to rebuild trust when it is broken. An article on brili.com (link below) discusses these and other ways to show our kids that we trust them.

Perhaps most importantly, our kids need us to be consistent examples of someone who is both trustworthy and willing to trust.

Forbes - Building Trust

Bonnie Harris - Trust Children

Brili - How to trust your kids 

S - Love Does Simplicity

Raising and teaching children in today’s highly digital and fast-paced world can be busy, complicated, and messy. Too often we find our kids and ourselves feeling overworked, overtired, and overwhelmed. Without a reprieve, these feelings threaten the relationships we work to build with our kids and their ability to learn and mature into the best versions of themselves.  

At its core, simplicity in our homes and classrooms means getting rid of any extra mental and physical clutter so that we can have more time for the things that truly matter. The first step is identifying and actively prioritizing the things that matter most to us. What culture do we want to create in our classroom? What environment do we wish to establish in our home? For many teachers, this means focusing on soft skills like communication, problem-solving, persistence, teamwork, and school or district-identified grade-level essential standards. For families, these priorities might be positive relationships, moral standards, responsible citizenship, and personal accountability. Once we focus on what matters most, it becomes easier to see where we can eliminate clutter and simplify life for our children and ourselves. 

Simplicity often requires less - less technology, less on the schedule, and less stuff. But in a culture that glorifies busyness, it also requires more - more willpower, more focus on what is important, and more intentionality. Simplifying our homes and classrooms is an act of courage and great love that protects our children’s mental health and lays the foundation of a future built on what matters most. 

R - Love Does Right Now

Before becoming parents or teachers, many of us had at least kind of envisioned what our home or classroom would look like. Subconsciously or not, we had preconceived ideas about what our kids would be like and how we would be as parents or teachers. Reality rarely matches our imaginings, and we find ourselves with kids that are not exactly what we had anticipated. 

As loving parents and teachers, it is essential that we set aside these ideas and focus on the kids that are in front of us *right now*. Accepting our kids where they are in every way - behaviorally, academically, physically, socially, and their unique personalities - is not an excuse for poor choices or lack of growth in any area.  On the contrary, according to a post on EmpoweringParents.com (link below), recognizing our kids' current abilities, limitations, and preferences allows us “to respond to them in the way that’s most meaningful and effective.”

Accepting our children where they are *Right Now* is the foundation from which we can guide their development. Whether it is a change in behavior, a new academic skill, or something else altogether, we can only help our children move forward once we recognize where they are starting from. As we make an effort to accept our children, we can also begin to appreciate them as emerging individuals. From there, they also become better at accepting themselves. This acceptance leads to a deeper love which eventually leads to them becoming successful people. And it all starts with us learning to teach and raise the children that we have, not the ones we had imagined we might have. 

Empowering Parents

Q - Love Does Quality Time

Every day many different things vie for our time, attention, and energy. As parents, we might have work, school, chores, family obligations, etc. As teachers, we have assessments, workshops, duties, and more. Sometimes it feels like the days are simply flying by, and we haven’t been able to spend more than a few moments with our kids. 

An article on NAEYC (link below) reinforces the point that *quality* of time is much more important than quantity of time. Children need high-quality time with the adults in their lives. Quality Time is what is most beneficial and will positively affect them as they grow. “It isn’t about endless hours of time—it’s about how you choose to spend that time that truly matters.”

The article lists 9 tips for ensuring the time we spend without kids is high quality. While these tips are designed for parents, they can also be adapted to the classroom. 

1 - have a daily “connect” time

2 - create a special daily ritual  

3 - say “I love you” and use encouraging words every day

4 - reinforce positive behavior

5 - enjoy meals or snacks together

6 - set aside time for activities your kids choose

7 - play together

8 - laugh together 

9 - turn off technology during your time together 

Remember, meaningful connections are about the *quality* of time spent together, not the quantity. Each connection a child has with the loving adults in their lives has a lasting impact on them. These connections provide the support and reassurance our children need as they grow.

NAEYC - Tips for Quality Time

P - Love Does Play

“Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children, play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.” The beloved Fred Rogers summed up the value of play in this well-known quote. Unfortunately, it is becoming more common for teachers of even the youngest students to be pressured to pack every moment of the day with structured, academically rigorous activities. At the same time, many parents feel pressured to enroll their children in a steady stream of highly structured extracurricular activities that fill the afternoons and weekends. Yet research confirms that up to age 8, children benefit from opportunities for developmentally appropriate play at home and in the classroom. According to an article on healthline.com (link below), some of the benefits of play include developing critical thinking skills, understanding cause and effect, building creative thinking, helping children learn how to interact with others, and helping children understand and process their emotions.

Knowing that genuine play is so important and knowing that we want these benefits for the kids we love, we want to ensure they are regularly engaged in play. But how do we know what true play looks like? “The Power of Play,” found on the NAEYC website (link below), lists the following characteristics of play:

PLEASURABLE - Children must enjoy the activity, or it is not play

INTRINSICALLY MOTIVATED - Children engage in play simply for the satisfaction the behavior itself brings

PROCESS ORIENTED - When children play, the means are more important than the ends

FREELY CHOSEN - It is voluntary.

ACTIVELY ENGAGED - Players must be physically and/or mentally involved in the activity

NON-LITERAL - It involves make-believe

In order for kids to engage in this kind of play, we need to carve out time and space in our homes and our classrooms. As loving parents and teachers who understand the importance of playful learning in children’s lives, we can intentionally allow them opportunities to engage in genuine play and reap the many benefits. Through play, we can begin to build the foundations for motivated, healthy, and happy children and a productive society.

Healthline.org - Benefits of Play

The Power of Play

O - Love Does Outside

1. Sunshine - vitamin D and the immunity boost that comes with it 
2. Exercise - lower BMI, lower stress, better sleep 
3. Academic performance - more concentration, better classroom performance, higher standardized test scores, increased creativity
4. Socialization - greater self-awareness, improved peer relationships, increased confidence and responsibility 
5. Appreciation of nature 

These benefits listed on Harvard Health and Today’s Parent (links below) come from when children spend time outside.  As loving parents and teachers, most of us would agree that we want our kids to be physically healthy as well as well-rounded, independent and compassionate individuals. The great thing is that by encouraging our kids to spend time outside, we can help cultivate all of these qualities.

What can we do to encourage our kids to be outside more? Of course, a nature-inspired class field trip or a family camping vacation are great ideas, but there are smaller things we can do too. At home, we can enjoy meals outside, take walks together, visit local playgrounds, go on neighborhood scavenger hunts, put kids in charge of outdoor chores, and be intentional about setting aside time for kids to go out and play each day. Making sure our kids have proper clothing for all seasons and having relatively inexpensive outdoor toys (bubbles, chalk, balls) on hand are also good ideas. 

At school, we can prioritize outdoor recess - even broadening what we view as acceptable weather to go outside.  Lunchtime is another excellent opportunity to encourage time outside. We can also look for in-class opportunities to take students outside, such as independent reading, science experiments, art lessons, music classes, etc. 

Once we recognize the value of time spent outside and its many benefits for our kids, we are motivated to find new and creative ways to work time outside into our daily lives. 

Harvard Health - Outside Play

Today’s Parent - Benefits of Outside

N - Love Does Needs

Hangry. Most of us have experienced being Hangry - grumpy, or even angry and not sure why only to realize after a snack or a meal how much better we feel. And many of us probably know the brain fog that comes after pulling an all-nighter. We can barely think of anything besides a nap. In Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, all people - including the kids in our homes and classrooms - have basic needs that *must be met* before we can focus on higher needs like academics, creativity, and even our hobbies and interests. 

Most of us have times when we are deprived of a good night’s sleep or a meal due to unusual circumstances. But when these most basic needs frequently go unmet, or there is uncertainty surrounding whether or not they will be met, people simply can not turn their focus to higher needs. What is important to realize is that Maslow’s hierarchy of needs does not stop with food and rest. While we must start here, we do not go straight from well-fed and well-rested to ready to learn. 

Once those basic physiological needs are met, we must ensure our kids feel physically safe and secure. We must provide opportunities to meet their social needs - with their peers and with us. We need to create an environment in our homes and classrooms that addresses their need for esteem. Only then will our children be able to learn academics, pursue hobbies, mature spiritually, or grow in any other area of self-actualization. 

When things go haywire with the kids, we, as loving parents and teachers, must take a step back and ask what is needed? Are they hungry, tired, bored, or cold? Once we identify an area of need in one of our children, love guides us into doing what we can to meet that need and help their focus move up the pyramid. 

Image below taken from PhD in Parenting - Maslow’s Hierarchy for Children

M - Love Does Mistakes

Whether your kids are 2 or 22 (or anywhere in between!), they are going to make mistakes. And inevitably, as parents and teachers, we are going to mess up too. When our relationship with the children in our homes and classrooms is built on a foundation of love, we can use these mistakes on both sides as an opportunity for learning and growth. 

There are two ways we can approach mistakes that our kids or we make. Mistakes and mess-ups can be frustrating, embarrassing, or even painful, often with consequences that need accountability. But it should not define our kids or us.  How we approach mistakes can either prevent learning or serve as a powerful catalyst to embrace new challenges. To paraphrase from an article on techtello.com (link below), people with a fixed mindset believe that they have a specific amount of talent or skill, and “that's that, and then their goal becomes to look smart all the time and never look dumb.” Whereas people with a growth mindset understand that “not knowing or not being good at something can be a temporary state—so they don’t have to feel ashamed or try to prove they’re smarter than they currently are.” 

Researchers have found that the brain continues to develop and change, even as adults. This means it is possible to help kids and ourselves develop a growth mindset. We all know that mistakes will happen. A growth mindset views them as an opportunity for learning and a springboard to improve next time. We can model this growth mindset by recognizing and admitting to our mistakes, making amends and apologizing when necessary (even - maybe especially! - to our kids), and sharing with our kids how we use the opportunity to make changes to improve in the future. In addition to modeling, we must encourage these same behaviors in our children. Part of this means accepting their apologies and extending forgiveness, even when it is hard. It is up to us to help them discover how to make amends and make a plan to improve in the future and prevent similar mistakes. 

Techtello - Mindset

L - Love Does The 5 Love Languages

Words of Affirmation.  Physical Touch.  Acts of Service.  Gifts.  Quality Time.  These are the 5 Love Languages, according to the popular book by Gary Chapman.  The basic premise behind the writing is that we have a preferred way or "language" to communicate and receive love.  When our preference differs from others, it can affect whether or not we feel loved - even when the other person is trying to demonstrate their love. Many people have embraced the idea of learning to speak the Love Language of their spouse or significant other to better communicate their love for each other.  Did you know similar principles apply when showing love to the kids in our homes and classrooms? 

The book The 5 Love Languages of Children, also by Gary Chapman, discusses how we can determine which Love Languages our children prefer and explains how we can communicate our love using that preferred language. It also identifies things to avoid that, based on their primary love language, can be particularly harmful to our relationships. Young children - especially under 5 years old - don't typically have a preferred love language yet, and all kids need to be shown love using all 5 languages.  Sometimes using a love language that is not our preferred one can be uncomfortable. Still, it is something we can willingly do when we realize how important it is to good relationships. Knowing which language speaks love most clearly to our kids and using it regularly will help them feel secure and confident in their place in our hearts.

 5 Love Languages for Children - available at Amazon

K - Love Does Kindness

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." - Mother Teresa

Kindness is one of the most powerful forces for good in our world. It is all the different ways we express care, concern, and consideration for ourselves and those around us. As loving parents and teachers, it is imperative that we treat our kids and ourselves with kindness.  Being kind to our children and others is not the same as allowing all behavior in our homes and classrooms, nor does it mean not standing up for ourselves and our needs and beliefs.  Yet even in times of disagreement or correction, every interaction we engage in can be approached with kindness. So what does this look like in our day-to-day lives?

Kindness can come in many forms. Encouraging words and positive non-verbal communication are two ways we can frequently show kindness to the children in our lives. Sharing our resources - time, money, goods, and knowledge - is another way of being kind to others that we can model and also encourage our kids to do. Acknowledging our children’s interests, feelings, thoughts, and wishes and allowing them to differ from ours, models an important way to be kind to others even when we disagree. When difficult situations arise and emotions are high, pausing our own reactions to understand the other perspective is also a great act of kindness and an important one to model for our students. Modeling these and other acts of kindness lays a valuable foundation for our children.

Being kind to others has benefits for us as well.  According to an article on Cedars-Siani (link below), acts of kindness increase our brains' oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin levels. Oxytocin is tied to feelings of trust and generosity, as well as lowered blood pressure. Dopamine gives us a sense of euphoria and serotonin helps regulate mood. These benefits are short-lived, though, so kindness should be frequent - a regular occurrence in our day. When we treat our kids, ourselves, and others with kindness, we are quite literally programming our brains to be happier and healthier.

"It’s one thing to be taught kindness.  It’s another thing to be touched by it." Kindnessiseverything.com (link below) sums up the importance of kindness to our children.  Children who are treated with kindness by their parents and teachers will, in turn, learn to treat others with kindness.  "There is no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no end." - Scott Adams. There may be no better way to change the world than to teach and raise kids who know firsthand the immense power of being kind.

Cedars-Sinai Science of Kindness

Kindness is Everything

J - Love Does Joy

Being a joyful parent or teacher does not mean being happy all the time. Joy comes from something deeper than happiness.  It comes from being at peace with who you are and your place in the world. Many articles are written on how to find joy in our lives – from focusing on our relationship with God, to trying a new hobby, to enjoying more sunsets - and one common thread is that being joyful is something we choose, not something that happens to us.

We intentionally choose joy, but there are times when circumstances can make that choice hard to make. An article on Edutopia (link below) shares a few strategies that teachers - and parents too! - can use to reclaim their joy. 

1 - Maximize your time - take some time every now and then to pause and reflect on what’s working and what’s not

2 - Build positive relationships - look for ways every day to spend quality time and find common ground 

3 - Find support - whether a colleague, a spouse, or a good friend, find someone that you can talk with and can help you process different struggles and emotions 

4 - Keep it simple - sometimes a simple solution is the best one 

Joyful parenting or teaching does not mean we don’t get frustrated or hide negative emotions from our kids. It does mean we greet our kids with a smile every day and look for positive things to share with them - laughter, praise, and time. Parenting or teaching with joy means we choose to see what is joyful in our children, even on the hard days.

Edutopia - Reclaim Joy in Teaching

I - Love Does Imagination

A rocket, a boat, and a castle too? You can have all that and more with a big box and a healthy dose of imagination! Imaginary play has always been a cornerstone of childhood fun and is also a very complex and important part of their development.  Research shows that using the imagination is beneficial for adults too. Both kids and adults who regularly use their imagination are more creative thinkers and better problem-solvers. A good imagination gives us a way to visualize a better future when we are facing challenges, as well as a way to mentally escape when we need a break. And, like sharing humor with the kids we love, enjoying imaginary play together helps us connect with our kids and builds a foundation of positive shared experiences. 

While we often think of pretend play as dress-up clothes, stuffed animals, and doctor’s kits, there are other ways we can engage in imaginary play with our kids. Building with blocks or Legos, making forts, drawing pictures, and reading books are ways to use our imaginations together. We can also involve kids, especially as they get older, in other activities that use imagination, like goal setting, story-telling, and role-playing new or difficult situations. It can be hard to do in our busy world and days full of rushing around, but one way to love on our kids (and ourselves) is to set aside time and space to get lost in an imaginary world, sometimes together and sometimes on our own. 

H - Love Does Humor

“Knock knock”

“Who’s there?”

“Cargo”

“Cargo who?”

“Car go beep beep”

A preschooler in my care shared this joke with me nearly 20 years ago. We had a good laugh over it; for days afterward, he would repeat it to me, and we would chuckle together. Laughing together is a way to connect with our children. It’s a way to share a joyous moment and create a happy memory together. A good sense of humor can also help kids be smarter, healthier, and better able to cope with challenges that arise.

Interestingly, a sense of humor is a learned quality that can be developed in kids, and our interactions as loving parents and teachers are a big part of that development. Kids with a well-developed sense of humor are more optimistic, have a more positive self-image, and can better handle differences between themselves and others. They are also better liked by their age mates and are more able to handle the challenges of childhood. 

Research has shown that there are physical benefits to laughter as well. People who laugh more are less likely to be depressed, experience less stress, and have better digestion. Studies show that laughter helps us endure pain better and improves our immune function. But most of all, a sense of humor makes life fun. There is not much better than sharing lighthearted moments of laughter and silliness with the kids in your life. 

KidsHealth.org (link below) shares some strategies for helping your child develop their sense of humor - and having a lot of fun along the way! 

KidsHealth.org - Sense of Humor

G - Love Does Grace

Showing grace as a parent or teacher means accepting the kids in our lives where they are. It means treating them with kindness even when we feel it is undeserved. Grace and forgiveness are closely tied together, but do not mean that we overlook errors or allow kids to “get away” with misbehavior. To put a slight twist on the acronym used by Cornerstones of Care’s BIST program (link below), GRACE can be remembered as Giving Responsibility and Accountability to Children Everyday. 

As loving parents and teachers we show grace to our kids by accepting them, their problems, and their needs. From that place of acceptance we can begin teaching them how to take responsibility for their actions and be accountable for their mistakes. Extending grace and giving forgiveness to our kids also helps them learn how to forgive others and models a healthy way to handle conflict in relationships. Focus on the Family (link below) expands on these benefits and shares a few others. 

As the same article from Focus on the Family says, responding to kids with grace “starts with intentionally prioritizing our relationships in each situation” and requires us to “look beyond the wrongdoings and remember that we all need grace at times; if we are to receive it, we must also give it.”

Cornerstones of Care’s BIST Program

Focus on the Family - Parenting with Grace

F - Love Does Flexibility

Be consistent. Follow through. Let them fail. Let the little stuff go. These are all good strategies for parents and teachers to use. But what happens when they become too extreme? That’s when loving parents and teachers know the power of being flexible. 

Let’s take a look at the idea of letting kids fail. Constantly rescuing our kids from failure means they miss opportunities to learn responsibility and grow as problem solvers. Sometimes it is good for them to be accountable for forgotten homework or deal with the consequence of a lunchbox left at home. But sometimes, these mistakes are a red flag to us as parents and teachers that our kids do not yet have the skills to succeed in this situation. And other times, it’s just a rare lapse in an otherwise effective routine. These are both situations that might call for flexibility. 

No two children are exactly alike. A strategy that works well for most kids in a classroom - being consistent, for example - can be taken to an extreme when applied to all children in all situations. A consistent routine upon arrival is a good idea unless a child hasn’t had breakfast yet that morning. Similarly, a strategy that works well most of the time at home - letting go of little things, for example - can be too extreme when limits are not being set or enforced at all. Being a flexible parent/teacher also allows us to explore options, change our minds, work together with our kids, and learn more ourselves. 

So how do we decide which situations are good opportunities to embrace flexibility? An article on imperfectfamilies.com (link below) gives some questions to guide us in evaluating our parenting/teaching strategies.

• Is my current strategy working? (If yes, then…keep doing it!)
• Do I feel stressed trying to keep up with this strategy?
• Am I doing something that doesn’t fit with my personality?
• Am I doing something that doesn’t seem to be working for my child’s personality?

In a world filled with sometimes contradictory advice, getting caught up in this idea or strategy is easy. We want to do our best for our children, but even a good strategy can be taken too far. As loving parents and teachers, we sometimes need to step back and remember that finding flexibility and balance is more important.

Imperfect Families - Flexible Parent

E - Love Does Encouragement

Whether young or old, we all benefit from the encouragement of others. Words of encouragement can give us the boost needed to overcome obstacles in our lives. Encouragement can provide hope when we are feeling down and help shift our perspective when we’re struggling. Children receive these benefits and more when they are encouraged by loving adults in their lives. 

More than just words, encouragement can take many different forms. Children can be uplifted by our nonverbal communication, like a smile or thumbs up. Meaningful conversations and quality time spent together can also be encouraging to kids. When children are doing well and experiencing success, words of encouragement can motivate them to continue on that path and inspire them to reach for the next level. On the other hand, children who are struggling with big emotions, self-doubt, or life changes can be comforted and encouraged by our thoughtful actions and well-chosen words.

The image below includes 75 phrases that we can use to encourage, uplift, and inspire the children in our lives. 

When we believe in our kids, our words and actions encourage them to believe in themselves.